Michigan CASA Story

Contributed by: Stephanie Gunther

On August 22, 2006, our lives changed! I did something I never do - I changed my office message noting that I would be at another building for the day rather than just picking up voicemail messages at the end of the day.

That afternoon, I received a call from our licensing worker asking if I would consider taking three children and doing an emergency license increase.  They had a sibling group who was going to have to be split up. My son, then 15, agreed to share his room with K who was 4.5 years old, B age 3.5, and M, who was 6.5, joined our family the next day.

It was the oddest thing feeling.  A van pulled into our driveway.  Our caseworker opened the side door of the van and their sat three tiny little people.  B had fallen asleep on the twenty minute trip to our home and the tears hadn’t yet dried.  I was terrified, they were terrified, and as a first time foster mom, I had no idea what a journey we were going to embark upon.

The kids were going to be with us just a short time.  Mom and Dad were separated, with Mom living with an abusive boyfriend.  Dad was in jail.  It was felt that once he was free that he would quickly regain custody.  I was naïve and wasn’t sure I should buy Christmas presents!

Within a few days of the kids arriving, we had our first visit from our CASA who had been working on the case prior to them coming into formal care.

As the days became weeks, it became apparent that these kids who were nearly 40 years younger than I am had more life experience then I do.  Kids, who the first time you asked them to drag over the toy box to do a toy sort asked if it was time to sell their toys.  Kids who seemed to always announce things such as "I really like it that you cook the hotdogs" while in a crowded grocery store; or yell when Daddy gets out of jail in Target!  They began to grow and thrive.

Visits with our CASA continued, typically each Sunday afternoon.  As the kids began to relax, it became apparent that secrets were being kept.  Behaviors began to escalate, and, as October came to a close, the Judge ordered visitation suspended.  By December, we were down at CAN council trying to determine if the kids could provide credible testimony to see their biological parents arrested abuse.  In early winter, our family court Judge was giving notice that TPR proceedings would be started soon.  In May, TPR occurred, and in January of 2008, it was upheld.

During this time, it took an entire team of people to support these three little people.  M started kindergarten nearly two years late. B and K started pre-school.

On February 4, 2008, we became a legal family.  Many days continue to be a struggle. When necessary, I can list the alphabet soup that is linked to each of them in some combination: PTSD, survivor of SA, ODD, RAD, FAS. Thankfully, we have days when they are simply growing children who laugh, play and bicker like brothers and sisters do. On the rough days, when they are being sent home from school, I try to take a deep breath and remember that a village let these children down when they were infants. The safety net didn’t help their biological mother who was pregnant at 15 and married to her 24 year old “husband” to keep him out of jail.

I regularly remind school officials, our therapist and our psychiatrist, as well as our friends and family that they are part of our village.  All of us need to work together to do the best job we can to see that these three are productive members of our collective society. I am pleased that after the initial shock, most adults have indeed stepped up to help rather than judge.

To each of you who read this and are part of the safety net of a child or group of children I thank you.  No role is more important than helping to raise productive children, who feel safe.